Tigers 19, Royals 4: Remember when Trey Hillman publicly shamed his team back in spring training? Look for the Royals to be doing community service or going into the witness protection program after this one. Bright side: at least the Royals have finally found Tony Pena's true calling, as he pitched a scoreless ninth with a strikeout to boot. Reader Adam Thomas notes: "Probably the best Royals inning, pitching-wise, in the game. Low-90s fastballs and 75mph curves. Pretty hilarious, and makes you wonder about the Royals' dogged insistence for keeping him on the roster." Clearly, Pena was a secret weapon, just waiting to be deployed.
Braves 4, Marlins 0: Jorge Campillo, a 29 year-old junkballing rookie, stymies the team that leads the majors in home runs with 140. Who are you really, Jorge, and what were you before? What did you do and what did you think, huh? Well, Campillo spent eight or nine years in the Mexican League, came to the states, got Tommy John surgery, and then shuttled between Seattle and Tacoma for a spell. This season he's been exceeding everyone's expectations in Atlanta, dazzling them with stardust, because he doesn't possess a fastball. Wait, we said no questions. Oh well, here's looking at you kid.
Rays 4, A's 0: As you went to sleep last night, Wallace Matthews was writing a draft of his Tuesday column about how sad it is that Scott Kazmir is on steroids, as it still never occurs to him that the A's can't hit a lick.
Orioles 8, Blue Jays 3: Adam Jones in July: .321/.381/.482. Radhames Liz had an interesting line: 5.2 IP, 5 H, 3 ER, 6 BB, 4 K. Still got the W, though, so he must know how to win or something. Also, if you look up the word "project" in the dictionary, I think a photo of Liz appears. It's not the first photo -- there are about 15 former NBA centers there ahead of him -- but he is there.
Yankees 12, Twins 4: The Bombers go Boom, giving Sidney Ponson yet another victory. Someone is going to sign that fella to a deal they're gonna regret next year, and Ponson had better send the Yankees and Rangers' offenses boxes of chocolates for all of their help.
Padres 6, Reds 4: That makes the second Francisco Cordero ninth inning implosion since the All-Star break. Personally, I blame Adam Dunn. Not sure why, really, but that's what you do around here.
Brewers 6, Cardinals 3: Rickie Weeks (2-5, HR, 3 RBI) woke up the day after some competition joined the clubhouse. Funny how that works.
Rangers 6, White Sox 1: The Rangers allowed 20 runs in their first two games after the break, and have allowed only one run in the last two. The White Sox haven't come out of the gate looking like world beaters themselves, dropping three of four to teams they should probably be beating if they are true contenders.
Dodgers 16, Rockies 10: 26 runs scored on 38 hits, and only one of 'em was a homer.
Diamondbacks 2, Cubs 0: Harden strikes out 10 and gives up only one run over seven innings but still loses because the Unit and his pals in the bullpen gave up none. Johnson always used to seem to lose these games, so it's nice to see him finally come out on the other side for once.
Couldn't get to the rest of the games this morning, unfortunately, so we'll have to settle for a score roll:
Pirates 9, Astros 3;
Indians 5, Angels 2;
Red Sox 4, Mariners 0.