Thursday, March 6, 2008

Art Garfimudis Returns

Art Garfimudis -- the fictitious ESPN.com baseball writer specializing in lampooning MSM buffonery -- has returned. This time he praises the retirement of Jeremy Brown and makes an appeal to simplify statistical analysis:

Now, I look at the stats page and it has more columns than the Parthenon. Puts an antebellum plantation to shame. What do we need all these extra numbers for? The game is being ruined by people who would be better off watching "Star Trek" (come to think of it, one of their cockamamy stats is called WARP).
This one is far more subtle than his Hall of Fame column, which was a scream. It's more successful, however, in that you could substitute "Bill Conlin" for "Art Garfimudis" in the byline and no one would bat an eye, which I think is the point.

As for this Garfimudis character, I remain convinced that it's really Rob Neyer, though he has denied it and probably wouldn't confirm it even if it was him.

My evidence? Not much really, other than (a) it takes brains and skill to write satire this dry, and Rob has more of those things than most folks; (b) it takes a sabermetric bent and a sense of humor about it see the humor in the subject, and Rob has both of those as well; and (c) Rob used to write a phony sportswriter column on his personal website under the name of Scribbly Tate, and in some ways Garfimudis is the rightful heir to Tate's arm garters and cigars.

So that's my hunch. Which you should probably take with a grain of salt, seeing as though I was convinced that Diane Sawyer was Deep Throat for all of those years.

UPDATE: OK, even if Rob isn't Garfimudis, he's having himself a pretty big day.

UPDATE #2: Neyer has denied it again, and I am inclined for a number of reasons to believe his denial. I've also had a change of heart on the guessing game. Let's let Art Garfimudis be Art Garfimudis. After all, if he or she is unmasked, we will have deprived ourselves of all manner of Garfimudial delights going forward, and that would be a very bad thing indeed.

5 comments:

Jake said...

Wow... it's amazing how personally insulted those commenters feel after they read these articles. And then when they realize it's fake, then they say, "Oh well, it wasn't even funny!"

You're the one who makes it funny, bozo!

Alex said...

I would bet Art is anyone at ESPN who has a good satire they want to get out there. Neyer seems like a good guess for the HOF article though, once you read Art's "bio" at the end of the article. That sure sounds like someone who despises the BBWAA.

Mac said...

Was Rob Scribbly? I always figured it was Jim Baker.

Shyster said...

Actually, I have no idea if it was Rob or not. I just assumed so because Scribbly wrote on Robneyer.com. Could very well have been Baker, I suppose.

Jake said...

FJM seems to think it's Baker, for what that's worth...

http://sports.espn.go.com/keyword/search?searchString=jim_baker&page=espn&language=en-us