Brian Sabean: Alchemist

The law of conservation of matter states that in a closed system, matter cannot be created or destroyed, merely that it may be rearranged. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the San Francisco Giants:

The Giants remain in the trade market, still trying to upgrade their offense, but their thinking has changed given what's happening in the trainer's room.

With reliever Vinnie Chulk shelved with shoulder tendinitis and starter Noah Lowry rehabbing from surgery and unavailable until at least late April, the Giants are shying away from trade talk if it means giving up pitchers.

"We're going to try," general manager Brian Sabean said when asked if he expects trade activity before Opening Day, "but I don't see us trading pitching in any regard to try to solve what we want to do offensively."

See, here's the thing, Brian. When you seek to upgrade your pathetic offense through trades, but limit your trading chits to parts of that same pathetic offense, you are creating the sort of closed system that Lavoisier described. One which, by virtue of the law, is immune to enhancement (really, what are you going to get for Daniel Ortmeier?). On the bright side, given how crappy the Giants' hitters are, it is one that is probably immune to degradation as well (really, how much worse can you do than Daniel Ortmeier?).

Of course, this is the same guy who made totally separate rules for his superstar hitter for a decade, so we can't exactly expect him to understand much about chemistry.