Tomorrow morning, the Chicago White Sox will suspend their campaign for the AL Central title and return to Chicago after a nice continental breakfast in the hotel restaurant. We have spoken to the Minnesota Twins and informed them of our decision and have asked them to join us.Cubs 9, Mets 6: Gentlemen, set sphincters to "clench!"
I am calling on the Commissioner of Baseball to convene a meeting with the leadership from both leagues, including the Twins and White Sox. It is time for both teams to come together to solve this problem.
We must meet as Americans, not as Twins or White Sox, and we must meet until this crisis in our testicular fortitude and timely hitting is resolved. I am directing my front office to work with the Twins' front office and the Major League Baseball Scheduling Office to delay Thursday night's game against the Twins until we have taken action to address this crisis.
Brewers 4, Pirates 2: In CC we trust (7 IP, 4 H, 1 ER, 11K). I assume that we'll see him again on short rest come Sunday as well. Assuming it's a meaningful game, anyway. I mean, the Mets may be done by then.
Rangers 14, A's 4: There was a time four or five years ago when we all assumed that Hank Blalock would hit 30+ homers a year until he got old. That didn't end up coming to pass, but he's had four in his last four games.
Yankees 6, Blue Jays 2: When you're not playin' for nothin' anymore, you have to look hard to find the positives. One positive Yankees fans can take from this one: Phil Hughes (8 IP, 5 H, 2 ER, 6K, no injuries).
Royals 10, Tigers 4: This has been a disgusting display by Detroit. They have dropped 12 of 13 and have looked awful doing it. They have given up. Know what? If I'm Dombrowski, I have to think about whether I even want Jim Leyland back next year, because this is a team that has quit, and that should never happen in this league. UPDATE: OK, so I'm not Dombrowski.
Red Sox 5, Indians 4: Cubs vs. Mets were on the next channel down from this one in my hometown. Which one do you think I was watching?
Braves 10, Phillies 4: Brett Myers -- who has given up sixteen runs in his last two starts -- has probably picked the wrong part of the season to implode.
Marlins 9, Nationals 4: You know, the Marlins were eliminated from the playoffs on Tuesday night just like the Yankees were and no one really made a big fuss about it. At least the Marlins have won a World Series this decade.
Rays 11, Orioles 6: The Orioles continues with the inexplicable Radhames Liz experiment, this time showing you how to lose a game in which you touch the other team's starter up for ten hits and six runs in five innings. The guy has had basically one great start in a sea of clunkers (and the Twins are still trying to figure out how he pulled that one off).
Astros 5, Reds 0: A short shutout for Randy Wolf. And I just noticed that after being so dominant for so long this year, Lance Berkman's OPS slipped below 1.000 for the first time since April on Sunday. Bummer.
Angels 6, Mariners 5: And that's 100 losses for Seattle, as King Felix gives up thirteen hits in six innings.
Rockies 15, Giants 6: Clint Barmes goes hog-wild (4-5, 2B, HR, 4 RBI) in a game that inexplicably drew 31,000 people. Must have been free garlic fries night or something.
Dodgers 12, Padres 4: The Dodgers clinch a tie for the division, which means . . .
Cardinals 4, Diamondbacks 2: . . . That we're to the point now where all Arizona has to play for is Mark Reynolds setting the single-season strikeout record. I kind of hope he gets it. It may be the one thing that determines whether he'll have a post-baseball after-dinner speaking career or if he'll actually having to work for a living.