Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Great Moments in Tortured Metaphors

Courtesy of Baseball and Earth Day at
Batting third in the lineup ... Earth.

It is the most formidable planet of all. It is right where you want your best hitter. Menacing Mars and big Jupiter (susceptible only to its Great Red Spot) offer great protection behind it. A couple of quick, hot-hitting setup guys in front. Earth is the franchise player in the galaxy, the one that draws the people, the one rounding the bases at just the right time. Saturn has the ring, but Earth has the World Series trophy.

Not mentioned: that we're going with an eight man lineup ever since we cut Pluto for being too small.

Which, by the way, sends the wrong message to all of those Dwarf Planets and Small Solar System Bodies out there trying to break through to the bigs. Not that the International Astronomical Union cares. They've long known that the big gaseous planets mean bigger gate, and have turned a blind eye to the pressures faced by the smaller guys just trying to make it out there.

Where will it end? Probably when Jeff Novitzky gets transfered to NASA.


Chris H. said...

Oh stop it. It's about time "scrappy" planets like Pluto stop getting undeserved love. Reality is that Pluto doesn't hit very well, no matter how many times you call it "gritty" or say that it "plays the game the right way."

OK, I'm done.

Richard Dansky said...

Didn't Dusty Baker bench Jupiter for "clogging the bases" this week? Shoemaker-Levy got a couple of starts instead because it "made more contact".

Also, as a comet, it was grittier.