Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Pestilence v. Comcast

Cubs fans go a century without winning a World Series, but after a mere 60 games of success they're getting all uppity and litigious. From the complaint:
7. Kerry Wood is the Chicago Cubs closer who relieved Carlos Marmol. Wood also hung the slider that Michael Barrett hit for a warning track flyball.

8. The Unnamed Comcast Cameraman filmed the 9th inning of said game. This cameraman willfully filmed a much higher trajectory of the flyball than was necessary. Due to this high trajectory camera angle, hundreds of thousands of Cubs fans were momentarily led to panic as they assumed Michael Barrett's warning track flyball was indeed of home run distance sufficient to reach the Western Metal Supply Co. warehouse far beyond the left field fence.

9. The Unnamed Comcast producer chose to use the unnamed cameraman's feed of the flyball. This decision contributed to the heart attack suffered by Cubs fans everywhere.

10. Len Kasper and Bob Brenly are the Comcast announcers who emphasized the unnecessary drama by not reassuring viewers early enough that the baseball would remain within the confines of the playing field.

I suggest an immediate motion to dismiss based on the plaintiff's failure to allege the existence of a duty. If that doesn't work, the defense should argue that anyone allowing themselves to get so emotionally tied up with the Cubs has assumed the risk.

(thanks to reader Chris Heer for the link)

1 comment:

Pestilence said...

Thank you for linking to my story. I appreciate it and am glad you got a laugh.