Why? Like most everyone else, I was introduced to Canseco's lawyer -- Robert Saunooke -- in Pat Jordan's transcendent "Searching for Canseco" piece on Deadspin back in March. Saunooke -- a guy who, at the time, claimed to be representing Canseco's best interests -- was obviously Jordan's biggest source for the story. Among the many choice quotes and/or pieces of information revealed by Saunooke:
- In the four years that Rob has been Jose's agent, Jose has racked up about a half-a-million dollars in legal fees. Rob hasn't been paid anything yet, although he said that Jose did give him his five World Series rings, worth about $50,000, as a down payment.
- Heidi, Rob told me, is Jose's girlfriend/publicist. She's a cute, little, junior college graduate, who lives with Jose," said Rob. "She likes to let Jose think she's working hard for him when really all she is doing is fucking things up for him." Rob said Heidi lives with Jose without paying anything, which may be literally true, but not figuratively.
- After a little prodding, Rob did admit to me that as of the moment no actual offers for that Kung Fu movie have come Jose's way. In anticipation of that call, Jose showed off his martial arts moves to the man who choreographed "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." The man watched Jose's 250-pound body spin and kick and leap into the air for a few minutes and then he told Jose that his moves "were stiff, not very fluid, and you don't kick very well. . . "
- Admittedly, Jose's philosophy of life has brought him some success with girls and fancy cars, but it has not, of late, brought him much success with money. Rob said, "Right now, Jose has zero money." In fact, Rob has a lien on one of Jose's two houses, and "Whenever Jose pisses me off, I threaten to foreclose."
- Rob said that like all men Jose has changed over the years, learning, I presumed, that an unexamined life is not worth living. Rob said, "Yeah, Jose has evolved. But it hasn't been a positive evolution. He's still as opportunistic and self-absorbed as ever. only now, he's even more desperate."
Jose's career (pick one) is in the toilet, but to the extent there is any bit of it which hasn't made it to the septic tank yet, it's based on the image, however erroneous, that he's a fast-livin', designer clothes-wearin' ex-athlete who, for better or worse, doesn't have a care in the world. I'd rather be dead than have to play up that angle of my life in order to get on reality shows, but that's his deal. By telling Pat Jordan that Canseco is a broke, petty, and pathetic shell of a human being, Saunooke has effectively foreclosed Canseco's ability to exploit even the exploitation business. "Rock of Love" is probably the worst thing ever created by man or beast, but Canseco probably couldn't even get on that now that he's been revealed by his own lawyer to be a deluded deadbeat.
Obviously Jose Canseco is his own worst enemy, but no one would know that if his lawyer -- a guy duty bound to serve his client's best interests -- hadn't spent hours telling a national journalist writing for one of the world's most trafficked websites all about it. Jordan's piece is going to be the touchstone story about the wretched life of Jose Canseco for years. It wouldn't exist if his lawyer knew the first thing about discretion.
Should Jose Canseco have paid for his services? Maybe. Do I blame him for not paying him? After the Deadspin piece? Hell no.