Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Hell in a Handbasket, I Tells Ya!

I normally don't simply point and laugh around here, but I may have found the worst sports article ever written. A sampling:
A fairly new Internet sensation called “blogs” now dominate the hyperlinks on our search engines and have completely changed journalism as we know it. Now, the Average Joe who probably only watches games from his or her couch and has probably never had a credential to be inside a locker room or press conference is giving strong opinions, badmouthing coaches and dissing players for the entire world to read . . .

. . . Something needs to be done about how today’s athletes are being paid because it can turn really ugly. In Major League Baseball, a sport with no salary cap, bidding wars are causing inflated contracts for players who don’t deserve them. Don’t get me wrong, Alex Rodriguez will probably go down as the greatest player of all time when his career is finished. But does anybody on this planet really deserve to be paid $28 million a year? Yes, one person does: The one who cures cancer . . .

. . . With all this money going to players who probably don’t deserve it, I can’t blame young kids for skipping out on college for the potential quick buck of a professional sport.But something needs to be done about this.

Sure, we've all read stuff that looks like this, but here's the kicker: it's written by a 22 year-old guy who, appearance-wise, is walking the fine line between hipster and douchebag. Either way, I'm having a hard time figuring out why he's writing in the voice of a 79 year-old man. Maybe his publication provides a clue: "Senior Times Magazine," which bills itself as "your guide to active retirement in northern Florida." Is he assuming the old man voice because he thinks that's what his readers want, or is this some elaborate parody? I'm leaning in that direction based on this:
I’m only 22 years old, but I’m not too young to remember when it wasn’t like
this.

That would be fine if he wasn't complaining about things that were old news before he was born.

Color me baffled.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Get off my lawn you dirty blogger!

Jason said...

There is no fine line, Craig. This guy is a douchebag. First of all, it's National ENquirer. Not INquirer.

Secondly, the amount of inaccuracy and second-rate journalism is laughable (how are contracts in the NFL worse than MLB??)

But here's the bigger question -- what the hell is a 22-year old even doing writing for a Senior magazine? I can't wait for next month's article: "Never Too Young for Viagra."

BTW, you most likely increased the Senior Times' web hits by 1000 percent today. Hopefully many clicked over to the "Alachua County Better Breathers Group" Calendar entry.

Jason said...

where do you find this crap....

(the other) Jason

Craig Calcaterra said...

Can't tell you. Trade secret.

Or else I just plug the word "baseball" into a Google News search. One or the other.

/and you think I'm kidding.

Grant said...

There is no line between "hipster" and "douchebag." The one is a subset of the other.

Pestilence said...

Oi, worst sports article ever. Completely agree.