Thought that just popped in my head: Maxwell House or Folgers or someone should do a commercial set in the clubhouse just before an All-Star Game. Everyone's taping up, stretching, or doing whatever they do before games, when Big Papi or some position player walks up to a coffee pot and starts to pour a cup.
Cut to a shot of Papelbon, Putz, Rivera, and some other relievers standing up and angrily looking at Papi, and launching in to Alec Baldwin's "coffee is for closers" rant from Glengarry Glen Ross. Alternatively, MLB can hire Baldwin to reprise the role for their "This is October" commercials next year and talk about how second place gets steak knives. Beats Dane Cook, right?
OK, I know that's stupid, but cut me some slack. Clemens and his legal team are on Central Time so I have very little to work with so far today.