Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Deep Thoughts

Between spending last night obsessing on Clemens stuff, working on a brief, and watching my Buckeyes get embarrassed yet again, I'm a bit spent this morning. Drinking a lot of coffee. Drinking so much coffee that my mind is starting to wander into randomness.

Thought that just popped in my head: Maxwell House or Folgers or someone should do a commercial set in the clubhouse just before an All-Star Game. Everyone's taping up, stretching, or doing whatever they do before games, when Big Papi or some position player walks up to a coffee pot and starts to pour a cup.

Cut to a shot of Papelbon, Putz, Rivera, and some other relievers standing up and angrily looking at Papi, and launching in to Alec Baldwin's "coffee is for closers" rant from Glengarry Glen Ross. Alternatively, MLB can hire Baldwin to reprise the role for their "This is October" commercials next year and talk about how second place gets steak knives. Beats Dane Cook, right?

OK, I know that's stupid, but cut me some slack. Clemens and his legal team are on Central Time so I have very little to work with so far today.


Matt said...

An essential ingredient in parody is that someone must have seen the original!

Diesel said...

Eddie Guardado is enraged — enraged! — that you did not include him in this hypothetical commercial that involves "closers." He feels, at the least, he's still in the running for the steak knives.

I wonder how many relievers have actually complained about the quality of leads they're given.

PatHajovsky said...

That is an awesome idea! I love movie take-offs, and I think that would be incredibly funny. Register that copyright before someone with actual authority reads this!!

Brian said...

Great idea!!
Hey Matt-are you trying to say that you have never seen Glengarry Glen Ross ? or that no-one has seen it? you know there were really great movies before the year 2000. I think you might be a Dane Cook fan (i am very sorry) and are annoyed that you wont have more actober commericials.

Bradley Ankrom said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Matt said...


Yes, that is what I mean to say, and you have me pegged very wrong. I haven't been to anything not rated G since before 2000, and isn't Dane Cook a reliever for Colorado?

But I was living in Manhattan when GGGR was enjoying it's buzz, and I still found it easy to hold onto my $10.50--and what more I'll say is, if you want to make that ad, it'd need to be for Gevalia, instead of Folger's instant crystals with the buy-one-get-a-gross-free deal.

Luke said...

Wait, how are you from Michigan and yet you're a Buckeyes fan? That's just not right...

Shyster said...

Let's call it an accident of geography, parental job transfers, and low SAT scores.

1973-1984: Shyster born and raised in Flint, Michigan. Becomes vaguely interested in college football towards the end of that period. Roots for Michigan, but not really hard, and mostly just because friends are doing it. I'm way more about the baseball then as now.

1985-1991: move to West Virginia (dad got transferred). Still follows Michigan football, but again, it never really takes given the lack of peer pressure. Really, I was just a fan of the college game itself at that time, though there are pictures of me wearing UofM gear.

January 1991: University of Michigan rejects my college application. They were right to do so, but the rejection would become the first ember in the fire of Michigan hate.

February 1991: accepted by THE Ohio State University (not that such a thing is that hard to do). Went there because it was close enough to be near home but out of West Virginia, which is pretty essential if you ever want a job.

September 1991-present: Go to first Ohio State game and get caught up in it all. Totally hooked by 1993 or so. Getting a degree from there and having a hell of good time doing it doesn't hurt. I'm never turning back from rooting for Ohio State no matter how much hate is heaped upon them in the media (and boy is there a lot).

I Have lived in Columbus for all but three of the past 17 years (Michigan law school rejected me too, again for very good reasons), so I'm probably pretty insufferable by now.