Rick Telander Boasts About Not Doing His Job

Must be media day here at ShysterBall. First Shaughnessy, now Telander:

I look at my 2008 Hall of Fame ballot with sadness. That's a photocopy of it on the right, and as you can see, other than my name, signature and Baseball Writers' Association of America card number, it's unmarked. I voted for no one. I didn't mail my ballot. The stamp is still good. The Steroid Era has taken the wind out of my sail . . .

. . . I read the biographies of the 25 candidates in detail, studying numbers as intensely as an accountant. Rich Gossage -- nine All-Star teams, 310 saves, 2.36 World Series ERA. I'm delighted Goose was voted in Tuesday. He deserved it. I voted for him in 2007. But I couldn't be a part of it this year . . . Tommy John -- 288 wins -- was a pioneer. He should be in the Hall. Same with Andre Dawson, Lee Smith, Jim Rice and maybe Bert Blyleven. But swollen Mark McGwire soils the ballot . . . Maybe next year I'll feel differently.

I hear you, Rick. I once told the managing partner of my previous firm that I couldn't do my job because the unethical behavior of some lawyers out there "took the wind out of my sails." I didn't advocate for my clients or perform many of the other the responsibilities that went with my job. It went over really well. The boss thought so highly of me that he gave me a bonus. My clients -- at least the ones I didn't leave in the lerch -- had my back. My point was made so strongly and forcefully that all of the bad-seed lawyers out there stopped practicing law and a new era 0f integrity before the bar was born.

Oh wait, that was just how I imagined things would go. In reality I was fired for dereliction of my duties, had my license suspended for six months, was placed in an outpatient mental health facility to deal with my emotional issues, and had to take remedial courses in professional responsibility.

I still like to think I made my point, though.

Hey, ya'll: More ShysterBall!