Friday, August 10, 2007

Baseball Cabinet

Cal Ripken has been named as a U.S. Special Envoy by President Bush. That's bupkis. When I'm elected president, I'll name a whole baseball cabinet:

Secretary of State: would-be peacemaker, Jason Karnuth;

Secretary of the Treasury: Alex Rodriguez, who after he (a) carries the Yankees into the playoffs; (b) wins the MVP; and (c) opts out of his current contract will probably be able to personally fund the U.S. Treasury.

Secretary of Defense: Omar Vizquel

Attorney General: Tony La Russa, Esq.

Secretary of the Interior: the Dodgers' Matt White, who is learning a thing or two about geology these days.

Secretary of Agriculture: Ernie Young, who after seventeen seasons in the minors (and counting) knows his way around the farm better than anyone.

Secretary of Commerce: David Wright, who has probably made more money off of Vitamin Water than Coca Cola ever will

Secretary of Labor: union-man Tom Glavine

Secretary of Health and Human Services: Carl Pavano, who knows his way around a hospital at this point.

Secretary of Housing and Urban Development: MTV Cribs star, Andruw Jones

Secretary of Transportation: the well-travelled Kenny Lofton

Secretary of Energy: Giants' owner Peter Magowan, for putting solar panels in his park

Secretary of Education: Princeton man, Chris Young

Secretary of Veterans Affairs: Julio Franco

Secretary of Homeland Security: C.C. Sabathia, who was an expert in duct tape long before Michael Chertoff ever was.

OK, so this wasn't very deep. Scroll down two posts if you want to know why I'm not thinking very deep thoughts today.

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