What, no Zabars?

I anxiously await the release of the detailed calculations and a final report regarding this research at the SABR convention, but for now I am satisfied with the brief synopsis of the Hebrew National vs. Nathan's hot dog smackdown:

One night in Section 111, Row L at Louisville Slugger Field, a question arose about food . . . First, Joel said, "When it comes to kosher hot dogs, Hebrew Nationals are the best."

"Yellow mustard!" said I. "It's Nathan's or nothin' for me. Why should I take the word of a man who drinks beer from a paper cup?"

Then Jim said, "I'm from Chicago, and I say Hebrew Nationals are the best."

"Nathan's," I rejoined.

Before long the dispute had spilled out to rows M, K, N and J and into section 110. I kept thundering "Nathan's," while an ever-growing chorus wagged their heads and intoned, "Hebrew National. Hebrew National." . . . By the fifth inning, I fled the scene, resolved to settle the matter once and for all with a kosher hot dog smackdown.

For the record, the results of this experiment confirmed Shyster's long-held hypothesis on the subject.